breaking it off with dignity: ABBA’s “When All Is Said And Done” (1981)

Breakups are painful, and there’s always anger, resentment and disbelief when things come to an end between two people.

In these days where musicians pen hurtful things about exes, giving the world privy to their dirty, dirty laundry and turning them into money-making songs, recalling those tracks of old where musicians took things graciously is like a drink of cold water while frying under a desert heat.

There’s something really pleasant about those songs of old that made them enjoyable hits despite the heartache behind them.

In 1981, when the marriage between Anni-Frid Lyngstad and Benny Andersson was fraying at the edges, Björn Ulvaeus took pen to paper and wrote When All Is Said And Done.

He sought Frida and Benny’s approval for the recording, and a month after the two’s divorce, they went to the studio.

Frida took to the mic as the lead vocalist, and during her performance, “all [my] sadness was captured in that song”.

The lyrics speak not of hatred or resentment but a final close, a celebration, to a marriage.

The song was featured in ABBA’s eighth and last studio album, “The Visitors”. It did not perform as well as others in the album such as One of Us, but it still sounded awesome with its theme of ending a relationship peacefully.

Here’s to us one more toast and then we’ll pay the bill
Deep inside both of us can feel the autumn chill
Birds of passage, you and me
We fly instinctively
When the summer’s over and the dark clouds hide the sun
Neither you nor I’m to blame when all is said and done

They’re not pointing fingers, the song going further to thank a partner for their time together.
It’s so nice to hear lyrics that don’t highlight the end of a relationship with one party demanding the other to return the car or MacBook that was a Christmas present. (maybe back then inserting a typewriter into a song would have been awkward)

In our lives we have walked some strange and lonely treks
Slightly worn but dignified and not too old for sex
We’re still striving for the sky
No taste for humble pie
Thanks for all your generous love and thanks for all the fun
Neither you nor I’m to blame when all is said and done

A breakup song without bitterness, and the willingness to let go, remembering the bond they had shared.

It’s so strange when you’re down and lying on the floor
How you rise, shake your head, get up and ask for more
Clear-headed and open-eyed
With nothing left to try
Standing calmly at the crossroads no desire to run
There’s no hurry any more when all is said and done

I suppose I may be seeing this track through an ABBAholic’s eyes, but the way they handled their divorce(s) through music is nothing short of admirable.

Viva ABBA!